


I Can Take Whatever I Want

by owl_eyes_91



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: F/M, I'm trash you're trash let's all be trash together, Interrogation, Reylo - Freeform, Smut, Star Wars: The Force Awakens Spoilers, dub-con
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-28
Updated: 2016-01-10
Packaged: 2018-05-10 01:30:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5563573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/owl_eyes_91/pseuds/owl_eyes_91
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This started out as a smuttified version of the interrogation scene, and then accidentally grew a plot. Oops!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Rey awakens with a start, her body taught with pain. Brief images come back to her, fragments. A blaster gripped tight in her hand; a cloaked figure striding towards her through the trees; strong arms carrying her. And now she is here, in this metal room with Kylo Ren himself looming over her like an ominous shadow.

She can’t help a sharp intake of breath as he removes his helmet. _He’s just a boy._ There’s something vulnerable and sad in his brown eyes, despite the hateful words he’s spitting at her. The twist of his full lips give him the impression of a lost little boy. No wonder he keeps the helmet on.

He’s saying something about the stolen map, the one BB-8 showed them, but it’s as though his words are coming to her through a thick fog, she can’t quite piece together what he means. But then everything is thrown into sharp relief as he says “I can take whatever I want”, and trails a gloved hand slowly down her body. Although she tells herself she can’t, _shouldn’t, mustn’t_ be feeling what she’s feeling, she can’t control her reaction. A sharp shock of heat pools in her lower belly, her breathing becomes shallow, her heartbeat quickens. The potent cocktail of fear, adrenaline and arousal has her close to the edge, and the next time his dark eyes meet her light ones she finds it hard to look away, and she sees an answering heat in his gaze.

He leans close to her, his face only inches from her, then he reaches out with the force, right into her mind, and it’s like nothing she’s ever felt. She feels his power surging through her body and her back arches. She _feels_ his presence, feels him sorting through her thoughts, he’s getting glimpses of her past, seeing things that should be hers and hers alone, private things.

Some long dormant reflex kicks in and she pushes back with everything she’s got. Now she’s the one looking into _his_ mind. She sees an image of him as a dark-haired child, looking vulnerable and scared, sees the twisted mask he prays to so reverently, senses his fear and his ambition. And then something else…a feeling that’s dark and hot, and pulses through her brain like a flash of lightening along with an image – she sees herself as she is now, strapped to the interrogation table…but she’s naked, the full length of her body bared to his hungry gaze.

She loses her hold in his mind as suddenly as she gained it, panting, her mouth dry. She’s still reeling from what she saw, what she was able to do. Their eyes meet again, and he knows what she has seen. The corner of his mouth quirks up in a malicious smirk, revelling in her confusion and discomfort, until she spits her next words at him. “You’re afraid. Afraid you’ll never be as powerful as Darth Vader”. The smirk is gone, replaced by an expression of pure fury, almost animalistic in its intensity, and she almost flinches. They’re both straining hard to use the force against one another, sweat stands out on their brows, but his rage gives him an edge over her, and her head hits the metal behind her with a clang.

His breathing is ragged, his gaze angry, but she can still see that spark of lust beneath the surface, and it terrifies her. He motions the guard over, “Take her to a cell, see that she is restrained and that no one goes in”. Although she means to take in the layout of the ship as she’s marched to the detention level, her mind is a blur. She doesn’t regain her equilibrium until she is alone in her cell, lying still on the cool smooth surface of the cot, her arms shackled above her head.

She takes deep breaths in and out, attempts to centre herself, to understand what she’d just seen and experienced. But as much as she tries to piece together the jagged shards of Ren’s memories, searching for anything she can use to her advantage, she keeps coming back to that brief flash of his fantasy – her body stretched out and bared for him, bound tightly to the interrogation table, completely vulnerable. She can’t suppress the shudder that courses through her – but is it revulsion or desire? Now that they have invaded each other’s minds so thoroughly she’s struggling to sort his thoughts from her own. The rage and frustration she feels, the fear and loneliness – are these feelings his or hers? The confusion is still whirling through her head as she drifts reluctantly into a fitful sleep.

Her dreams are vivid and strange. At first she finds herself back on Jakku, she is running across the hot desert sand, racing towards something, or someone, just out of sight. Pushing herself harder even as her heart pounds and her breath screams in her lungs. She senses a shadowy figure in the corner of her vision, and as she turns she sees him, Kylo Ren. Without his helmet, his dark hair is blowing across his face and his expression is bemused, his dark eyes locked on her. The intensity in his gaze makes her stumble, and she is falling.

When she hits the ground the surface beneath her is not the hot sand of Jakku’s desert, but cold and metallic. She can hear the clash of lightsabers and as she looks up she sees two men locked in an intense battle, the red and green of their sabers crackling as they meet. She recognises the helmet and realises that the two men she sees are Luke Skywalker and Darth Vader. She hears a soft gasp as Ren, who she had not realised was beside her, comes to the same realisation. “I will not succumb to the dark side!” she hears Luke call, “There is still good in you, I feel it!” Beside her, Ren’s expression is fanatical, reverential, but there is a fragment of doubt, too, that she is sure was not there before.

Then she is falling again, and he falls with her. His arms reach out for her and press her hard against him, and they are hurtling towards the ground together. They crash towards the surface of Takodana and land on the forest floor, in the exact spot they first came face to face. He is lying on top of her, and she is viscerally aware of the weight of his body, the way his long limbs press her into the ground. His breath is hot on her cheek, and she can feel his own arousal as well as hers, growing as they share the sensations coursing through them in a constant feedback loop. His long fingers circle both her wrists easily, and hold them still over her head. His other hand rests lightly on her throat, the threat is there but unspoken, he could tighten his hold and choke her if he wanted to, she only breaths freely because he allows it. Although she is aware of how wrong it is, this thought sends another shockwave of arousal rocketing through her, and she knows he feels it too. Her cheeks blush scarlet with the shame of it. His hips grind into her, and she feels the evidence of his desire against her hip. She can’t help herself from pushing up into him, or the little whimper the escapes her. “You want this”, he whispers in her ear, his voice low and steady, his lips brushing her skin as he speaks. She writhes, wanting to dispute what he says, wanting to shove him away in disgust, but she knows he can feel _exactly_ how much she wants it. He’s in her head, sees everything, she’s never felt so naked. Their eyes meet, hot and desperate, and then his lips are pressed against hers, his tongue invading her mouth. She’s bucking against him and gasping as his teeth sink into her lower lip, she hisses in pain and pleasure, and his eyes meet hers once more. Something dark and intense passes between them, and then he is dissolving above her, her fingers passing through him like smoke.

Rey jerks into consciousness, breathing hard, her skin sheened with sweat, and feeling a familiar dampness between her legs. _It was just a dream_ she chants to herself, like a mantra, but she can’t help herself cringing with the shame of it, as she remembers the way she reacted to him, the way she squirmed beneath him and begged for more. _It wasn’t real_.

As she is squeezing her eyes shut tight, willing herself to believe this and struggling to regain her composure, the door slides open and Kylo Ren himself comes striding into her cell. He looms over her, saying nothing, for a long moment. She juts her chin out defiantly, unwilling to give him the satisfaction of caving and speaking first. He surprises her by removing his helmet again, perhaps he’s understood all too quickly the power that his dark eyes have over her. He also meticulously removes his black leather gloves, and she finds herself struck by his long, elegant fingers. _The hands of an artist_ , she finds herself thinking, stupidly. _These hands were not made to cause pain._ As if to refute her most recent thought, which he had heard as clearly as if it had been spoken out loud, his hand shoots out and pinches her nipple _hard_ through her cloth tunic. This action shocks a gasp out of her, and the pain sends a jolt straight to her crotch, where she can still feel the uncomfortable stickiness left behind by that cursed dream.

“Impudent girl”, he is saying, looking down at her, his expression inscrutable. “Desert rat.” Now his hand is softly caressing her chest, as if to sooth the skin he just inflamed. Rey narrows her eyes at him, refusing to give him anything, trying her best to look repulsed. “And yet…the force is strong in you”. His dark hair is hanging across his face now, and she cannot see his expression, but she thinks she detects a hint of jealousy in his tone. “You resisted me once, you will not succeed in doing it again”. He stands abruptly and begins pacing the room. Rey watches him warily, reaches out tentatively with her newfound powers only to have them thrown back in her face. The sensation of it is so powerful it’s almost as though he’s slapped her, though he remains on the other side of the room.

“You are strong, but untrained…naïve. You need a teacher.” This is a statement, not a question, and he crosses the cell to sit on the edge of the cot beside her as he says it. “I need _nothing_ from you”, she spits furiously at him “As if I could learn anything about the force from _you_ ”. Her jaw is clenched, her eyes hard. This time, she thinks, the interaction will go the way _she_ wants it to. She will resist him. She will show him she is strong. Surprisingly, his expression softens, and there is that flicker of lust in his eyes again that so unnerves her as his gaze runs appraisingly up and down her body. “Ah” he says, sounding smug, “But there are other things I could teach you”. With these words he leans down close to her, too close, his mouth a fraction away from hers. He licks his lips and her eyes follow the movement of his tongue, she swallows the lump in her throat and he smirks. “Had any interesting dreams lately?” he whispers, his voice so soft and deep it is almost like the purring of a cat. Her eyes go wide with shock, _how could he know?_ He speaks as if in answer to her unspoken thought: “We share a connection, you and I. Your untrained mind forged it, and now there is no breaking it. That wasn’t just a dream.” With his last words he swings his leg up onto the cot, and now he is straddling her, holding her hips in place with the weight of his body, gripping her tightly between his thighs.

Rey gasps and tries to struggle, but her writhing beneath him only provokes a soft grunt of pleasure and she realises he is enjoying her vain attempt at resistance, so she stops. “You’re a monster”, she tells him, her voice low and only shaking a little, “You’ll get _nothing_ from me”. “Won’t I?” he asks, his head cocked to one side. He looks genuinely curious, and he runs a pale finger down the side of her face, almost tenderly, making her shudder. “Either you’ll struggle against me, or you’ll submit to me…I can’t decide which I’d enjoy more” he leans forward to whisper in her ear, his hot breath tickling her skin, “I might call it a win win”. With this, his teeth latch on to her ear lobe and she cries out, unable to control the competing sensations coursing through her body. As his mouth moves down to the soft skin of her neck, and she feels his teeth and tongue there too, her body arches against him. She hates herself for the reaction he’s provoking in her, but she can’t help herself. She longs to wrap her arms around him, to sink her fingers into his long hair, to pull him as close as possible, surely this is the only way to get rid of the itching, pulsing _need_ that is simmering just beneath the surface of her skin. As she pulls at her hands, they only clang ineffectually against the metal restrains, making Ren chuckle. “I told you you wanted this”, he says, echoing his words from her dream. It had felt so real at the time, but this is so much more, so intense she feels she can hardly bear it. The feel of his hair brushing her cheek, of his weight pressing her down, of his hands on her; she feels like her skin is on fire, like she can’t breathe, and still she needs more.

After kissing a hot path down her neck, and delivering a savage bite to her collarbone, Ren sits up again, staring at her intently, searching for something in her expression. “You want this”, he says again, and again it is a statement, not a question. Not quite able to articulate the truth they both know, Rey merely whimpers, barely able to resist grinding her hips up into him. “Say it. Say you want me.” His voice is firm, but Rey can hear the fear, the loneliness, the insecurity behind it. _So this is what it means to submit to temptation, is this how he was seduced to the dark side? Or is this…his way back to the light?_ Rey makes a decision, she holds his gaze and nods, unsure if her decision is the right one, but determined to see it through nonetheless. “I want you”, her voice comes out as a nervous whisper which makes her cringe, but it’s worth it to see the change in his expression. There’s a brief flicker of relief which is almost a smile, and then his eyes darken with lust and he leans back over her to claim her lips in a kiss. This time she does submit to him, determined to take back everything he is taking from her, to drink in the soft little noises he is unwittingly making, and to feel every desperate jerk of his hips against her.

His hand reaches up to tug the hair at the nape of her neck, tilting her head back, then he moves, pressing that same hand down on her now exposed throat, squeezing ever so slightly. “You want me. Say it again”, “ _Yes_ ” she manages to gasp out, “You want me like this”, he punctuates these words by tightening his grip on her neck “ _Yes”_ , her next thought comes to her unbidden, and is not spoken aloud, but he hears it nonetheless: _take me_. These words seem to flip some kind of switch in Ren, and he is like a feral animal in his intensity. He rips her clothes from her, casting long swathes of material aside until he has what he wants: Rey naked and writhing under him. Her eyes are dark, pupils blown wide, cheeks flushed, and her breath is coming in short gasps. Her hair is dishevelled, she can feel wisps of it sticking to her sweaty face, she’s already so close to coming undone, but she knows they’ve barely started yet.

Kylo Ren stands and begins to strip. With each piece of clothing he removes he becomes less the intimidating Sith, and more the lost boy she caught a glimpse of when he first removed his helmet. She is mesmerised by his body, the lightly muscled torso with its dusting of freckles, the way his broad shoulders taper down to slim hips, his impossibly long limbs. She finds that her mouth is dry, and her body practically vibrating with need. As he shucks his underwear and she sees his penis for the first time her whole body flushes, and she feels his amusement. “Don’t be scared”, he murmurs as he pads back over to her and presses their bodies together once more, “I’ll make it good for you”. His voice is husky, bordering on sweet, and the sound of it thrills her almost as much as the feeling of his bare skin against hers.

She is surprised as he moves down her body, not sure what his intention is, and has a brief flash of _what is he-_ before he swipes his tongue over her right _there_ and she ceases to be able to form coherent thoughts. The way he moves his mouth, the things he does, it’s like he knows her body better than she does, and soon she is thrashing against her restraints like an animal, a high pitched keening noise emanating from her throat. Only his strong hands on her hips, holding her down, keep her anchored as he laps away at that tender spot. She can feel his dark hair curling against her thigh, and it is so soft, like his lips. His dark eyes are watching her hungrily, drinking in her heaving chest, her flushed cheeks.

Only when she is shuddering on the edge of some terrifying and thrilling precipice, and begging him for more does he slide back up her body, kissing her breasts and mouth softly. She feels the wetness from between her legs on his lips, and is embarrassed by how much it excites her. “You’re ready now” he says, gazing down at her, and she hears his thoughts at the same time – _you’re so wet for me._ She meets his eyes and nods. She is afraid, but ready for whatever comes next. Every muscle in her is straining, her body pulled taught like a bowstring, her thighs slick with desire, she _needs_ him to be inside her – to sate this burning want that threatens to consume her.

She lets out a soft little “Oh” as he starts to push inside, and he stills at once. Ren stares down at her, his expression inscrutable, as he waits for her breathing to even out, for her to adjust to this strange new sensation. Only when she meets his eyes and gives a jerky little nod of her head does he continue to push inside. Slowly, torturously slowly, she feels herself being filled with him, stretched out, and yet their bodies fit together so perfectly. Her head falls back and her eyes flutter closed until she hears his voice in her head – _open your eyes, look at me_. She does as he bids her without hesitating, and the intensity of the connection when their eyes meet shocks her. _How can this be happening?_ She asks him wordlessly, but his only response is to withdraw from her, then push back inside even slower than before. By the time he is fully sheathed in her she is whimpering and writhing on his cock, she can feels how much he likes that. “ _Please_ ”, she begs, both aloud and through their strange mental connection, canting her hips up towards him and wrapping her legs around his waist. She needs him to move, needs friction, needs _something_ she can’t even name, she only knows she will die if he stays still any longer. Her pleading makes him shudder with pleasure, and she has a brief gratifying moment to enjoy his reaction before he braces himself on his elbows and _slams_ his hips into her. Rey sees stars behind her eyelids as he hits some spot inside of her that makes her realise _this_ is what she needed, what was missing, this is the nameless thing she was begging him for. How could she have lived without this feeling for so long?

Rey is aware of the sounds she is making, moaning and gasping for air, and of the way her body is moving, almost unbidden – squirming beneath him and raising her hips to meet Ren’s powerful thrusts. Each time her eyelids flutter closed, or her eyes roll back in her head, her gaze is drawn back to him with his swift admonishment – _look at me_. Sometimes out loud, sometimes in her head, but she finds she cannot disobey him. There is a jagged edge to his voice, his breathing is heavy too, and his pupils are so dilated his eyes seem almost black. A part of Rey is amazed that she could have this effect on him – Kylo Ren, who seems so hard and dangerous, rendered breathless and desperate by her body.

Just as she is teetering on the end of something wonderful, she starts to feel like she is drowning, this feeling, this connection, it’s all too much – how can she contain all this inside her? Ren locks eyes with her once more, his hands cradle her face, their foreheads pressed together “Don’t be afraid”, he pants, “I feel it too”. And with that, he opens his mind to her. Everything she feels, everything he feels, so many sensations flooding her mind, flowing back and forth between them. And that’s all it takes, her body shudders as she clenches around him, crying out as her orgasm washes over her, he gives one final thrust and finishes inside her, sinking his teeth into her shoulder and holding her tightly to him, crushing the breath out of her.

Long moments pass before Rey comes back to herself, still breathing heavily. Energy tingles through her limbs, and she feels pleasantly sore, her thoughts have quietened down and she focuses on her breath – in and out, attempting to regain her composure. Kylo Ren is still sprawled on top of her, his head resting on her breast. It is hard to think of him as Kylo Ren, seeing him as she does now – all long limbs, flushed cheeks and messy dark hair. The helmet on the table beside her is the only clue that the overgrown boy on top of her is the same terrifying figure she heard so many stories about. She tentatively tries thinking of him as “Ben”, just to see if it feels more right to her. As soon as the thought materialises his head jerks up and he glares at her, his expression twisted with rage. She experiences a momentary flash of fear at this glimpse of his dark side, but she can tell his heart isn’t in it, can feel the way his body is weary and sated, just like hers is. He blinks and the expression is gone, replaced by something much harder to read, and then he surprises her by reaching over her head and releasing the restraints holding her wrists. He says nothing, just settles his head back on her chest, one hand absentmindedly stroking up and down her ribs, his long legs tangled with hers. Rey rubs her sore wrists, considering her options. _This is the moment, I should push him off me…I should throttle him, this is my chance…_ but she knows she doesn’t mean it, and so does Ren, she can feel his amusement. Instead she tentatively wraps her arms around him, one hand coming up, almost shyly, to stroke his hair. It occurs her that maybe this is why he released her from the restraints, because he wanted to be held, and the thought almost breaks her heart.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oops I decided to follow up my porn with a shitload of angst, YOU'RE WELCOME.

They lie there in silence for a long time before she turns to face him. He is propped on one elbow, gazing down at her. His brow is furrowed and she can sense the confusion in his mind, the conflict. She sees herself briefly through his eyes, so small and delicate, so pure. But then as he senses his gaze on her, his walls come down again, and his expression is as blank as it had been in the interrogation room. They stare at each other for a moment before she manages to give voice to the one question pounding around in her head – “Why?” Ren sighs, and traces a long white finger along the line of her jaw. “I already told you”, he says, his voice hard and emotionless “I can take whatever I want”. Something about his would-be menacing statement rings hollow, and they both know it. Rey starts to speak again, but he silences her with a kiss, his tongue swiping across her lower lip as her mouth opens under him without protest. She knows better than to ask him anything more, she has seen enough of his mind to know he will not give her a satisfactory answer, so she merely attempts to quiet her troubled thoughts by surrendering to his embrace. They kiss leisurely for a long time, and although her mind is telling her this is wrong, her whole body hums with satisfaction – _how can a feeling this good be wrong?_ She tells herself. _There must be good in him._ This is the thought that stays with her as she gradually slips into sleep.

When she wakes, Ren is gone, and both her clothing and shackles have been restored. She bristles with anger at the fact that he has restrained her again, but then she pictures him tenderly replacing her disordered clothing, carefully wrapping her up, and feels a twinge in her heart. She shakes her head, trying to clear her mind, to gain some semblance of perspective about the series of seemingly impossible events that have made up the past week. She breathes slowly in and out, feeling her chest rise and fall, quieting her mind. She used to do this back on Jakku, when the loneliness and fear threatened to overwhelm her. It always helped, surrendering her consciousness to the vastness of the universe. She feels that familiar calm steel over her, and her breathing deepens. There is something different now though; a power she was never aware of before is coursing through her veins, and she can feel its energy making her strong. 

Another alien feeling tickles at the edge of her consciousness, and she realises with a start that it’s _Kylo Ren._ His energy, his power, she can sense it. It’s almost as though it’s just at the corner of her vision; so close, but she can’t quite grasp it, can’t get a good look. She feels it crackling, so unstable and powerful, like his lightsabre. As she allows herself to sink further into this meditative state she catches a glimpse of what she’s sensing. She sees him, not suited and masked as Kylo Ren, but as the man who had made love to her – bare-faced and vulnerable, for all his bravado. He is glowing with light, now bright white, now a deep red, now a bright green that threatens to blind her, and she realises this is the force – the power of the dark and the light side, warring within him. _I knew there was good in him – I can feel it, I can see it_ , she thinks, and at that his image turns to face her, snarling, the light coming from him now glowing a deep, dark red. _Don’t be foolish, girl,_ his apparition sneers at her. _There is no turning away from the dark side._ She is momentarily shaken by the realisation that their mental connection is still open, that he can see into her thoughts just as she can see into his, but she steels herself and meets his gaze. _You’re wrong. You can still choose the light, I feel the good in you._ Her words are defiant and powerful, and she can tell she has affected him. He shakes his head, sadly. _You’re wrong,_ he tells her, _you know nothing of the force_ and with that, the image of him fades.

The resistance come for her; she knew they would. She hears the blaster shots outside her door, loud footsteps marching around above and below her, and then the door slides open. Finn is there, sweating profusely and bleeding from a gash on his temple. She is almost surprised by how overjoyed she is to see him, but then, he was her first friend, other than BB-8 that is. “We have to be quick”, he tells her, reaching over to release her wrists from their restraints, “Ren is coming”. A cold chill runs through her, and a pang of something she doesn’t dare to name. As soon as she is on her feet, she throws her arms around Finn, “You came for me”, she whispers into his shoulder. He pats her back awkwardly, holding her tight, “Of course we did”, he says, flashing her a grin, and it’s only then that she notices the man still in the doorway, covering them. He wears the uniform of a resistance pilot, and gives her a quick smile as he glances back at them “If you’re done with the reunion, we need to move”, he tells them, and she can hear the urgency in his tone.

Then they are running down corridors, with the pilot, who tells her his name is Poe Dameron, leading the way. Her legs ache and burn as she runs, painful from being curled up on a hard cell cot for too long, but she does not slow down. She cannot go back to being Kylo Ren’s prisoner…there is hope in her that he can be saved, but even more powerful is her fear of his control over her. He must have once been good, but was tempted to the dark side; he has already tempted her in one way, what if he is able to tempt her to the side of evil? She is scared of the way he makes her feel.

Suddenly she rounds a corner, only a few steps behind Poe and Finn, and there he is. She collides with his chest, her cheek brushing smooth leather. A second of awareness and then she backs slowly away from him, against the wall, fear rising in her throat. She turns and sees Poe and Finn, their weapons raised, running back towards her, but Ren freezes them in their tracks with a flick of his wrist. They are suspended, frozen, their mouths gaping open and their eyes panicked. “You’re leaving so soon. I thought we were going to get to know one another better” he tells her, his tone mocking. His hands brace the wall on either side of her head and he leans towards her, their bodies now pressed flush against one another, “I could make you stay”, he says, but his expression is hidden behind the mask, which also distorts his voice, and she cannot read him. “Don’t” she says, trying to keep her tone firm, rather than pleading, but she can’t help the _please_ , she mentally adds, which she knows he can hear. “Let me go”, she tells him, her voice stronger this time, and she feels him falter. He takes a step back from her, looking from side to side down the corridor – it is deserted apart from the four of them. In a sudden violent motion, he brings his fist down on his side and winces with pain. He is losing his grip, she can tell, attempting to use pain to regain the powers he needs to overcome her. “Let me go”, she says again, her voice lower, softer, and now they are both thinking of their bodies twined together, their breath mingling. He takes another step back, glances around again, and then he says “Go”, his voice pitched so low she can barely hear it. She feels that spark of good in him more strongly now, can feel it growing, and in a moment of weakness she pulls him against her once more “Come with me”, she whispers in his ear. He presses himself against her, but whispers back “I _can’t_ ”, and there is something so broken and desperate in his tone that she suddenly wants to cry. “Come home…Ben”, she tries. At this he pushes her away violently, his body taught with rage “Get out of here!” he yells, “Go, before I change my mind”, then he strides away from her down the corridor. As soon as he is out of sight, he releases his hold on Poe and Finn, and they stumble to the floor, disoriented. Ren darts a quick glance back at the way he had gone, before helping her companions to their feet, and continuing her mad dash for freedom.

When they’re back on Poe’s ship, after the requisite whooping and cheering to celebrate a successful rescue mission, she retreats to the crew quarters to change into a spare uniform. After she undresses, before she puts on the borrowed clothes, she looks down at her body, wondering if it is somehow different now. She _feels_ different, as though his touch still lingers on her skin. She knows the sensation will last, no matter how many times she tries to wash it away, and if she’s honest, she’s not sure she _wants_ it to go away. She knows in her heart that she has claimed him as thoroughly as he has claimed her. And he _has_ claimed her, there’s no doubt about that; she tentatively touches the crescent shaped mark on her shoulder, where he bit her as he climaxed; the purple bruise on her hip where he gripped her as he thrust inside. _What does this mean?_ Her imagination isn’t sufficient to fathom how this could play out, but she has felt the good in him, their connection is too strong for him to hide it from her. She knows she has to bring him back to the light, and maybe she’s the only one who can.

It’s a few days later, in the canteen of the rebel base on D’Qar where Rey is picking half-heartedly over her portion of rations, when the pain hits. One minute she is staring at her tray, the next she has collapsed to the floor, howling in agony. The pain is unbelievable, she almost blacks out from the intensity, it shoots through every cell in her body, so powerful she is sure it must kill her, and so strong she almost hopes it will, just so it will end. Her screams echo through the now otherwise silent room, where everyone has turned to look at her. Finn is at her side, saying something she cannot hear, concern etched in his features. Then, as suddenly as it arrived, the pain disappears, and Rey is left curled on her side on the floor, her harsh sobbing echoing through the room. General Organa has quickly crossed the room to kneel next to her and is cradling her head. “Rey…child, what is it? What have you seen?” Her voice is soft and soothing, and she brushes the hair away from Rey’s forehead with a mother’s tenderness. “I…I don’t know…I don’t understand”, is all Rey manages to gasp out, her body still convulsing from the shock of what she has just suffered. Leia switches abruptly back to her leadership persona, standing and clapping her hands together to command the room’s attention, though everyone’s eyes are already on her, waiting for instruction. “She needs to lie down, please, everyone, give her some space. And someone fetch a stretcher!” The room clears and a handful of men rush to do the General’s bidding. Rey feels herself being gently lifted, and is aware of being carried to a bunk in the med-bay, but she barely pays attention to the fussing going on around her, or the med-droid’s attentions, her mind is still reeling, trying to make sense of what has happened.

It is only when she is left alone to rest that she allows the thought she has been trying to hide from to fully materialise; the pain she felt must surely have come to her through her connection with Kylo Ren. Has he found a way to harm her from afar? Or was it _his_ pain she was feeling? She fears both possibilities, almost in equal measure. There’s only one way to find out, and so she reaches out with her mind, searching for that energy and power that is definitively his. She finds it almost instantly, and as she closes her eyes, she finds herself in a dark room, standing next to his prone form. Since their parting on the First Order ship, Rey has expended a considerable amount of energy keeping the link between their minds firmly closed, so has had no chance to explore how powerful it is, or how exactly it works. Suddenly finding herself in his presence is a complete shock, even though logically she knows that physically she is still in the med-bay on D’Qar. She had no idea their mental connection was this strong, that she could transport herself to his side in an instant just by thinking of him. The thought thrills and terrifies her.

He is lying on the floor of a dark cell, his limbs splayed at awkward angles. His face is so pale it almost looks grey, and his mouth is slack with pain, his eyes glazed, and she is startled to see the tracks of tears on his cheeks. A thin trickle of blood is coming from the corner of his mouth. Rey kneels beside him, tentatively reaching out a hand to touch his cheek. His eyes all of a sudden focus on her, and in an instant she finds herself struggling to breathe as he reaches up a hand to choke her with the force. Her eyes are wild and panicked as she gasps for air, but it only lasts an instant before his arm drops heavily back to the ground, he is clearly too weakened to keep up the pretence of being a threat to her right now. He stares up at her looking hopeless and broken, “Leave” he mumbles, clearly not meaning it. “What happened?” she asks, ignoring him, “I felt it too”. He starts at this, looking panicked. “The pain? You felt it?” Her only response is a curt nod, and a brief expression of sorrow steals across his features. “Grand Master Snoke learnt of my…error in judgement.” A long look passes between them. “He knows you let me go”, Rey says, softly. Ren only looks away, unable to meet her gaze. “He doubts my commitment. I had to be punished.” His voice is so sad that Rey has to close her eyes, she knows he could not bear to see the pity in them.

They sit together for a long time in silence, the sickly pallor of his face gradually lessens, and she listens as his ragged breathing evens out. Finally, she does what she has been holding back from doing from the moment she saw him huddled on the floor, and gently lifts his head into her lap. She fully expects him to push her away, snarling, but he merely lets out a heartbreaking whimper, and squeezes his eyes closed, pressing his face into her legs. “You don’t belong here”, she murmurs, bringing up a hand to tangle her fingers in his dark hair. Ren makes a choked sound that is half laugh, half sob. “Oh really, and where do I belong then? I’m a murderer, a villain, or didn’t you know?” He sounds so tired, she thinks, keeping up this pretence to himself must be exhausting. “You’re _wrong_ ”, she tells him, her voice fierce now, “That’s not who you are, you must see that… _I see it_ ”. He is silent for a moment, and briefly brings a hand up to softly cover hers, before pushing himself upright and away from her. “You need to go” he says, his voice expressionless, his eyes hard. “Don’t come back.” Rey feels these words like a physical blow, and then he speaks again, and his final words come out as a desperate plea, as though they are being torn out of him: _“You make me weak”._ And then his walls slam down and she is hurtled back into her own body, shaking, angry tears coursing down her cheeks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SPOILERS: In this version, Kylo Ren didn't kill Han, mostly just because I want to pretend it didn't happen and this is my porn so I make the rules.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for the kind words everyone! So glad we can all be trash aboard this trash ship together.

Rey stays in the med-bay for several days. She’s not really feeling the aftereffects of the pain she suffered that much, she just can’t face the others, can’t take the stares and whispering that will follow her wherever else on the base she tries to hide. Eventually Finn manages to tempt her out with the offer of a plate of panna cakes and a game of sabacc. Although she looks around as they make their way through the base, she can’t see any of the other members of the Resistance so much as glance in her direction. When she looks up at Poe and Finn, walking either side of her, she sees them glaring challengingly at everyone around her, and realises they must have warned everyone not to hassle her when she emerged. Although she is slightly embarrassed, the thought warms her heart, and brings a smile to her face for the first time in days. _So this is what it’s like to have friends?_ She thinks to herself. _I think I like it._

Rey quickly loses herself in routine, and her days start to blur into one another. Mostly her days are filled with training, hours of hand to hand combat drills and running laps, as well as the flight training Poe is letting her tag along on. She’s always been a decent pilot, but only ever on her own. Now she learns how to be part of team, how to stay in formation and cover her squadron. She feels herself growing stronger, her scrawny scavenger’s body hardening and putting on muscle, and she knows her skills are improving, too. She even manages to teach the resistance a trick or two – growing up on a junkyard planet like Jakku, you learn a few things about faulty parts and how to utilise them; what should be scrapped, and what can be re-purposed. The General seems impressed with her, which gives Rey a glow of pride she’s never felt before in her life. Leia tells her that Han and Chewie have taken the map and gone to bring back her brother, Luke Skywalker. She tells Rey that when he returns, he will train her in the ways of the Jedi. “Although he may take some convincing”, Leia says, attempting a smile, but Rey can hear the sorrow in her voice. The thought of training as a Jedi with Luke Skywalker himself both thrills and terrifies Rey. She thinks of the lightsaber, locked in the compartment under her bunk, and feels a little queasy.

When she is not training, or helping out with ship repairs she hangs out with Finn and Poe, or with Jess, the other female pilot in her squadron. She has struck up an easy camaraderie with these three in particular, but she gets on well with everyone she has come into contact with so far at the Resistance base. It is still strange to her to be in a place where people care for one another, where every day someone will ask how she is doing, somewhere she has people to laugh with, to share her thoughts with. There are some things though, that she does not share. Thoughts of Kylo Ren plague her night and day, no matter how she tries to distract herself with complicated tasks, or tire herself with physical exertion. She is mostly careful to keep her mind firmly shut to him, but in the rare lonely moments when she relaxes her control a little and tries to reach out to him, she is met an impenetrable barrier. Mostly she wonders what he is doing, what he is thinking, where he is, but sometimes she will catch herself daydreaming about the sharp line of his jaw, or the way it felt to have his arms around her. On these occasions she always gives herself a stern talking to: _stop acting like a lovestruck child, stop fantasising about him, stop romanticising the enemy,_ but the thoughts continue to come to her unbidden, nevertheless.

The only way in which their mental connection seems to survive is through their dreams. It’s nothing like it was during the dream she had back in her cell, when they had fallen to the forest floor near Maz’s castle, but the images that come to her are still vivid and strange, and she gets brief glimpses of him. She can always tell when he is awake during her dreams, because she gets flashes of his day to day life, seen through his eyes; rows of stormtroopers, a panorama of unfamiliar stars, a red lightsaber crackling in a training room. When they are dreaming at the same time, things are stranger still. It seems like he has a lot of nightmares, indistinct shadowy threats lurk around every corner and every moment is fraught with sharp pain. Rey will wake up suddenly, gasping and sweating, always with the specifics of what she saw slipping through her fingers like sand so all she is left with is a vague feeling of unease and lingering terror. Despite the nightly shared dreams, he does not speak to her, and she is not sure if he is experiencing these bizarre visions in the same way she is.

Several weeks pass in the same way, and Rey is gradually becoming used to life on the Resistance base when everything changes. “Luke”, “Luke Skywalker”, “the last Jedi”, she hears the whispers all around her, it is all anyone can talk about. Han and Chewie have finally returned from the remote location and have brought with them General Organa’s twin, Luke Skywalker. Rey sits silently chewing her ragged fingernails as Poe and Finn excitedly speculate about what Skywalker’s return means “The General’s been searching for him for years, I can’t believe he’s finally here. _Luke Skywalker,_ man!” Poe is telling Finn, Finn’s eyes are alight with excitement, eager to learn more of all the stories and legends which were forbidden back on Starkiller base. Finn nudges Rey, smiling warmly at her and snapping her out of her reverie, “Guess your training will start soon, huh? Soon you’ll probably be too important to hang out with a couple of lowlifes like me and Poe. The only Padawan in the galaxy!” Rey tries to smile, but it comes out more like a grimace. “Um, yeah, I guess so…he’s probably got more important things to worry about than me right now though.” “Speaking of important things” chirps a voice from behind them, and Rey turns to see Lieutenant Connix rounding the corner, “The General needs these documents, stat. I said you’d take them to her, I’ve got to get back to my meeting, do you mind?” Rey nods her assent, happy to have a reason to escape the conversation. As she leaves with the sheaf of papers in her hands, Finn shoots a concerned glance at her over his shoulder. “Don’t worry, she’ll be fine”, she hears Poe murmur as he rubs a comforting hand over Finn’s back.

Rey makes her way across the base to the General’s quarters and enters without knocking, assuming Leia is waiting for the plans. As the door slides closed behind her she sees the two of them, Luke and Leia both, sitting at the back of the room. Although she has never set eyes on him before, she knows with absolute certainty that this is him; this is Luke Skywalker. The power coming off him is palpable, she almost feels like she could reach out and touch it. She is so overwhelmed by this strange feeling that it takes her a moment to absorb the scene in front of her. Leia’s whole body is wracked with sobs, and she is beating at Luke’s chest with her fists. Luke, for his part, simply stands stoically and takes it, his sorrowful eyes on his sister’s bowed head. She seems to tire herself out, and simply collapses into him, weeping. He puts his arms around her, murmuring soothing words Rey cannot hear. Silent tears are coursing down his face. “My son”, Leia is saying, “My baby boy!” Luke speaks again, his voice stronger, surer now. “We’ll get him back, Leia. I promise, we will bring him home.” At this, the General lets out another violent sob, “I just need him back here with me, I know there is still good in him” she says, her words now slightly muffled by Luke’s chest. “I know there is”, he tells her, “I’ve felt it too”. At this, he suddenly looks up and locks eyes with Rey. She feels his gaze like a lightning bolt, and as she quickly backs out of the room, the thought she is left with is: _He wanted me to hear all of that. But why?_

Rey leans back against the corridor wall, a million thoughts racing around in her head. Her initial feeling is one of guilt and embarrassment. _I shouldn’t have seen that, I shouldn’t have eavesdropped, it wasn’t right_. But somehow she knows that Luke wanted her to hear that exchange, just as surely as she had known who he was as soon as she set eyes on him. Unexpectedly, after a few moments the door in front of her slides open once again, and Luke emerges. “Hello, Rey”, he says, “I’ve heard a lot about you. Why don’t you come back in? I think there are some things we should all discuss.” He smiles at her, but his eyes are sad. All Rey can do is nod dumbly and follow him back into the room. The General is now seated at the table, her eyes are red but she is no longer crying, and she too, offers Rey a sad smile.

They talk for a long time, Leia tells her of Ben’s childhood, how Snoke had been watching him, exerting his influence over him, for his whole life. Luke tells her a little of Ben’s training, how the dark side of the force grew stronger in him, and his conflicted feelings gave Snoke the opportunity to take control of him and turn him against his own family. Throughout the conversation brother and sister periodically reach for each other, Rey can see Leia gripping Luke’s hand tightly through some parts of the story, but she does not break down again. “We both believe that Ben can be brought back to the light, that he can be the person he once was again, instead of what he has become.” As he says these words, Luke’s eyes are locked on Rey’s, his expression grave, and she feels that he is desperately willing her to understand the import of his words, to believe them. She nods, not breaking the eye contact, “I…don’t know a lot about the force…but I think so too”. The sense of relief Rey feels from both Luke and Leia is profound, Leia’s voice is shaky as she tentatively says “I know that you…that you have seen him. I wasn’t sure…” here she trails off, averting her eyes, her voice filled with grief. Rey had not spoken with anyone about any part of her encounter with Kylo Ren, and only now does she realise the General assumed that he had tortured and abused her, and hadn’t been able to bring herself to ask about it until now. Her heart fills with compassion for the woman in front of her, and she is unable to stop herself from reaching over and grasping Leia’s other hand. “There _is_ good in him. He’s trying to fight it, but I know it’s there. He could’ve killed me, but he didn’t. He didn’t hurt me. He _let_ me go.” At this, Leia lets out a choked gasp, tears spilling down her cheeks once more. “If what you say is true, Rey, then you may be the key to bringing him home”, Luke tells her. “You must come back to Ahch-To with me and train in the ways of the force. Only then will you be able to face him again.” Leia looks up at Rey, her expression imploring and desperate. “I know it’s a lot to ask, Rey, but you _must_. You may be our only chance of bringing him home.” Rey nods decisively, not hesitating even for a second, despite all the doubt she had felt leading up to this moment. Somehow, she knows this is her destiny. “I’ll do it”, she tells them, her voice sure and steady. “I _will_ bring him back.”


End file.
